A tall tale of two Heathers

In spite of all my enlightened wisdom about choosing and living with one’s choices [remember this astute post from a few months ago?], there I was a couple days ago indulging in a morsel of negative thinking. Bad Voice was nattering on about how I shouldn’t have had the ankle fusion surgery and how it might not work. And then of course Good Voice was saying, this kind of thinking is not helping; it’s going to work fine, but will just take a little time; try thinking about something else.

Of course it’s not that easy to just start thinking something else. So instead I tried injecting a touch of humour, always a favourite solution.

The following screenplay is the result.

Try not to worry too much about the physics.

Galahs2Setting: Heather is sitting on her deck. The date is March 1st 2014, some 9 months ago. She is watching a galah nearby on the bird feeder.

Heather 1 (speaking aloud to the galah): I’ve been advised to have an ankle fusion and I’m wondering if I should do it. (The galah yawns, indicating that this is a boringly familiar question).

But this time there is a sudden POPPING sound and the galah disappears. It seems there has been a break in the space-time continuum, as another very similar Heather appears on the deck. This one has an extra wrinkle or two and is riding on a knee scooter. They eye each other in astonishment.

Heather 1: Well, look at you! You must be from the future—clearly you’ve had the surgery.

Heather 2: Isn’t this amazing? I was just sitting there on my own deck when a galah started asking me questions, and suddenly here I am. Yes, I had surgery 10 weeks ago, and just had the cast removed yesterday.

Heather 1: Wow. Well, now that you’re here, you can advise me. With the benefit of hindsight, do you think I should have the surgery?

Heather 2: This might not be a good day to ask but I would have to say no. Bad idea.

Heather 1: Oh! Okay, well, that’s good advice and I’ll take it.

Heather 2: But hold on. I said this might not be the best day to ask. Here’s a thought: if you got hold of me so easily, why don’t you try getting hold of another future Heather who had surgery a full year ago? She could give you a much more informed idea about how this is going to work.

Heather 1: An excellent idea. You’re obviously a wise person. I’ll give it a try.

Heather 2: Whew. Good; less responsibility for me. At any rate, I should likely get back before we do any damage to the space-time continuum.

Heather 1: But wait on a moment. What will happen to YOU if I decide not to have the surgery?

Heather 2: I think we’ll exist in parallel universes. You’ve have the old ankle, and I’ll have the new one.

Heather 1: Hmmm. Cool. We might be able to get together and compare notes. See who was right.

Heather 2: Yeah, I’m not sure the universe works that way. But who knows?

Heather 1: Just a minute. Before you go—I like the shirt you’re wearing. Where’d you get it?

Heather 2 (laughs): I just picked it up at Costco over in Canada during the summer. Check it out in mid July.

Heather 1: Terrific; thanks for that. But I have another important question that’s been bothering me: how does it work out with Mum this summer? Are we able to find a way for her to keep staying at home?

Heather 2: Nice try but you’re on your own with that one. Anyway, I’d better get going before we cause a major time travel paradox here.

Heather 1: Okay, okay. Here I am left figuring everything out on my own yet again. Aren’t there ANY shortcuts? What’s the use of multiple universes if I still have to think and then stick with my decisions?

Heather 2: You said it, Sister. Good luck to you.

Heather 1: Yeah, you too. Maybe we’ll see you ’round the traps.

There is another POPPING sound and Heather 2 disappears. A galah pops into existence on the bird feeder, looking slightly bewildered.

Fade to black.

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5 thoughts on “A tall tale of two Heathers

  1. You are awesome! It is so true how we talk to ourselves about an issue…or a decision looming!
    Love you Heather! Hang in there with the surgery! I say wait for the Year self to come out!! I bet you will love her answer!

    Love, joy

  2. To be or not to be!.the eternal question?I am not a believer but I am saddened by the death of God,he/she did provide guidance,questionable though it was!

    We have gained free will and all that,but it can be lonely out there with just the sound of your own voice.

    just saying!

    cheers Ian

  3. Pingback: Ah, hindsight… | SHEDDERS, by Heather Bolstler

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